Sunday Brunch: James Adomian Knocks You Up

James Adomian is a NYC-based comedian who performs standup and characters at festivals, gay bars, party schools and radical political events across North America. He likes wrestling, wrestling other men, and pretending to be Jesse Ventura. He recently appeared on NBC's Last Comic Standing as a top 10 finalist...

 And has had a long and illustrious career impersonating a certain Texan president:

He's also a frequent guest on Comedy Bang Bang, has appeared on Sklarbro Country and makes funny voices (including those of dead, curmudgeonly atheists like Christopher Hitchens) for the Onion Radio. So what does a gay, wrestling-loving comic without kids have to say to the mamas of the world? Lots, apparently. After all, women are more fertile when they're amused. And Adomian is one damn funny guy.

For this week's Sunday Brunch, Adomian answers some of our readers' most frequently asked questions. Want to hear more about handling your SO's lactation fetish? You can catch Adomian at his Valentine's Day show at Milk in SF, starting at 8pm (tickets are $12, and that's a little cheaper than in vitro). Guaranteed to make your ovaries ache.

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Dear James,

I wanted my son to be just like you but he's depressingly unfunny at eleven years old. Plus, he's totally got a hard-on for Disney princesses. What can I do?

Yours truly,

Hipster Mama Wants to be a Fag Hag

Dear HMWTBAFH, 

You might worry if your son was cheerfully unfunny, but if he's depressingly unfunny, he's got a good shot at making it in comedy later on. Give him a mic and see if he instinctively has a meltdown -- you could have a pro! And if he's really into the princesses, stay open to the glorious alternate path of drag shows a few years from now.

Dear James, I have a problem. Since I got pregnant, my husband doesn't want to have sex. He says it used to be like making love to a cored zucchini and now it's like carving a pumpkin -- and plus he's scared of hurting the baby. But between you and I, his 'knife' is only three inches long. What should I do? 

Yours truly, Desperately Seeking Orgasms

Dear DSO, you're in a tough spot, but one with a great opportunity. Turns out you're in the perfect position for a little backdoor action. Smaller makes it easy on the other side, plus the baby will think it's a dance party.

Dear James, my husband has a lactation fetish. Now that I've had the baby he's pressuring me to breastfeed (him!). He says he's been waiting for it all his life (though when I pointed out that I'm pretty sure he was breastfed he said that wasn't any of my business) and if I don't do it he'll be forced to seek out an Adult Nursing Relationship. I'm just not into this. What do I do?

Sincerely, Milk is for Babies, in Baltimore

Dear MIFB, I'd go bottled breastmilk. That way, he gets off but and you don't have to referee daddy vs. baby at dinnertime -- win/win. Plus you can always wean your man over to a sexy powdered formula!

Dear James, 

Circumcision: what's your opinion?

At a Fore(s)k(in) in the Road

Dear FITR, this is the question of the ages. Why pick a side now? Take your time and let him make the call when he's older. Trust that when it's up to him, he'll make the right decision.

Dear James,

My mom's an OB-GYN. My mother-in-law is an obstetrics nurse. They both want to deliver the baby. HELP.

Yours truly, 

Deliver Me in Montreal

Dear DMIM, I would, but it sounds like you have enough hands on deck for this one.

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Now wasn't that informative? Adomian performs live this Valentine's Day. He also has a tumblr called High Noon in the Garden of Good & Evil. You can ask him anything (anything!) here.