10 Signs You Need to Find Yourself Some Mama Friends

Can you still be close after you've had a baby and your friend hasn't? The featured article in my La Leche League magazine says Well, not really. But that's bullshit. It has to be bullshit. I love my old friends and since none of them have kids yet, I refuse to become a self-made social pariah just because I have a totally new life with drastically different priorities baby.

But there are differences. I don't have the time I used to. I don't have the patience I used to. And I definitely can't give my friends the kind of attention they're used to. I'm too focused on getting Sweet Baby James to stop eating that french fry he peeled off the cafe floor.

The writing's on the wall. I'll never leave my old friends but I need some Mama friends to share my pain /germs. Maybe you're in the same boat.

Here are 10 Signs You Need to Find Yourself Some Mama Friends
1. Your baby's been to the bar more times than he's been to the playground. He plays better pool than you do. He thinks the bartender is his father friend.
2. The bartender actually is his friend.
3. You discuss defecation at all manner of social functions. In fact, you discuss it at all social functions. The bartender knows if baby's pooped today.
4. Pregnant women cross the street when they see you coming. Your desperation to bond is only exceeded by their desire to get to yoga.
5. You sit down for lunch with your friend the party animal. She says she's 'exhausted'. You quash an urge to gouge her eyes out.
6. You update your status to say you're putting the baby to sleep. Your friends think this is a good time to call and say hi.
7. You refuse to have a conversation with anyone before you know their stance on vaccination and crying it out. The letter-carrier and cashier at your local grocery conduct their services in silence.
8. You start advising your friends to stick with Mr. Wrong because you're secretly hoping they'll get knocked up.
9. All those people who said they'd babysit when you were pregnant now define your baby as "the best form of birth control."
10. Your milk lets down and the only thing you can find to catch it is your friend's half-drunk martini. You call this ground-breaking. She calls it "a waste".